You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
