I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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