Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
