This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Randomize
