Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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