Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
