Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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