Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
