Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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