I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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