what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
