my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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