Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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