So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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