Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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