Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
