ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
how drunk are you?
Several
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
