There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
