good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
