TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
