that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
