It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The uberlube is also flammable
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
