Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
