i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
