Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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