Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
