I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
