Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
