whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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