I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
