I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
