last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
