Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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