So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
