drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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