If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
