Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
