I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
