Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
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