I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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