Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Sext me about skeletons
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
