Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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