the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
