He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
