We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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