i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
