i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
