I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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