if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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