Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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