You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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